As I mentioned in one of my last posts, I wanted to get into the idea of true Self Love and Self Identity.  Most recently, my awareness and interest in this topic was sparked by an amazing weekly talk show on the Women’s Network called Declare and Deliver by Amber Dotts.  Two weeks ago, the topic was “The Dream Relationship-Falling in Love with Yourself.”

For me atleast, growing up, I got the impression that “loving yourself” was conceited and selfish and definitely not something to strive for.  But as Amber mentions during the show, “the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself!” It all begins with You! Take everything in your life to the next level by starting right here, within yourself.

Have you ever found yourself overwhelmed in taking care of other peoples needs before your own? Yah, most of us have, its in our nature to be compassionate and giving, but the truth of it is, you can only Give as much as you Have. Remember that, you can only Give as much as you Have. That is why you must put your own needs first, for yourself and everybody else in your life.

Doing this, we begin to define ourselves, and validate ourselves externally. ”If I do well in my classes, then I am good enough…if I have a boyfriend, then I am loved enough…if I succeed at work then I am succesful enough.”

What happens when everything you do for external validation is the basis for your own self worth? For your image of yourself? The answer, you then begin to live in reaction, you begin to do without wanting to do, but simply because you feel others want you to do.

How do we start to create Self Love? You start by first acknowledging every little amazing thing about yourself. I sat down with a pen and a notebook and just wrote and wrote a list of things that I love about myself. My first run through I got 104 things on the list. Anything from physical features to the fact that I am pretty good at bowling, all of the things I’ve accomplished and that I still think I’m cool even though I love Harry Potter.

Have fun with it, be silly and acknowledge every single little thing. Dont be shy, flatter yourself and admit to your beauty inside and out. Do not do this by thinking about what others like about you. What do YOU love about YOU? That’s where you need to place your focus and energy while doing this.  Once you’ve got this huge list going, you’re going to find yourself starting to smile, starting to feel really good inside! It is in these moments that your list grows and grows that you realize how incredible you and your presence are. You start to see the magic in how you work so well with the world, how you flow so much with the things you are passionate about. Its such a simple way for a huge sense of self realization.

Another little thing you can do to create a true self love is to treat yourself. Every month, every week, every day do something big or small for yourself. Get your nails done, by yourself that favorite desert that you are always craving, allow yourself to take a relaxing bath, by a cute new pair of shoes you’ve been eyeing or simply spend a day or a couple of hours focused on you and what you want. Read a favorite book, go for a walk, see a movie, listen to some music. I know that you will be able to find something that will truely make you feel loved!

 Another strategy for developing this personal relationship is by making promises to yourself.  What is it that you want out of life? What is it that you value most? What is it that you are here on this earth to do?

When you are in a relationship with someone you love, you want the best for that person right? You want them to live out their mission and to have as much of the things they value present in their lives, correct? Well its just the same for yourself.

 Once you develop these promises of what your life will be, what you will be as an individual, you give yourself that purpose and direction that you can only committ to when you truely and deeply love oneself.

 This whole process is about discovering who you are. It is found all to often that people do not like who they are, people have pain and suffering because of ‘depression’ and self destruction. Well I came across an amazing quote I read in The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle that applies to just about anything in life. He says “The pain that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is.”

Once you get to that higher place of accepting who you are, not only accepting but absolutely embracing and cherishing who you are, there will no longer be internal pain. You are accepting who you are, you are accepting what is and in doing so you release and allow the emotions of destruction, pain, hurt to flee from your soul..opening the doors to love, acceptance, pride and gratitude to flood in without limits.

If you begin to base your self love internally, on how YOU feel and how YOU accept yourself and less of what others think and what others want, you yourself will feel such a sense of freedom and excitement. Simply letting go of all of the unneeded pressures you put on yourself based on external expectations and standards you will begin to radiate and attract more people into your life.

Live Large, Dream Big, Love Fully, Be You